Trust People Who Like Big Butts. They Cannot Lie.
As children we were told it’s wrong. Yet as adults, we tend do it all the time to avoid trouble, save face, or spare feelings. We do it because of our need to control and manipulate how we want others to perceive us. Lying. Not telling the truth.
A few weekends ago, Rehka and I met up for lunch. The night before, Rehka went out with her girlfriends. She called it an early night for herself, only to have Kelly, who is visiting Vancouver, call her for a ride at 4am. The other girls, who live locally, apparently ditched Kelly, and weren’t answering Kelly’s calls/texts. Though Rehka lived 30min away, she went. When Rehka asked Kelly for details on how she got separated, Kelly refused to talk about it, but Kelly did later confirm that the other girls were back in her hotel room. What the. Who the.
This led Rehka and I to talk about friends who lie to our faces (we are crazy, not stupid; we see thru the BS), and, then, our conversation digressed into telling the truth because it’s just the right thing to do.
I am a firm believer in telling someone the truth (except for all those fibs I tell on the daily). One lie leads to 10 others, and then life is just a façade and full of unnecessary drama.
Though I pride myself on being truthful, I’m not the most tactful. I lack the empathy card. Honesty without compassion is just brutality. I get it. This is a constant struggle for me, but I’m learning none-the-less. Luckily for me, my friends know I’m not perfect, and recognize that my intent is always goodness.
(Side note: I actually bite my tongue more often than not because I think that the recipient is not open to hearing it, or a lost cause for betterment/change. If only I said everything I wanted to.)
Over the years, I’ve become more and more honest with myself. I don’t want to hear people’s stories about them running in vicious circles of drama, or setting themselves up for trouble. I find it draining and exhausting. I can’t waste my life placating others, and then having to listen to the BS that follows. I am the person that will tell you that you’re an idiot, or too nice, or whatever. I will tell you my truths. In doing so, I have lost ‘friends,’ but that’s okay. I’ve learned the hard way that if ‘friends’ can’t let me be me then there is no authentic relationship. I’ve lost nothing by disconnecting with these ‘friends.’ I’ve only gained sanity and maintained my integrity. My integrity means more than others’ egos.
This, in turn, has helped me foster better and more meaningful friendships.
Recently, Mike, who I know otherwise only know in passing, and I had a solid conversation at a party. A few drinks in Mike, and he was sharing details on his dating life. Sharing is caring, so I shared back. I shared some honest feedback … by basically telling him he needs to get a backbone with his ex, who dumped him. I walked away thinking that perhaps I said too much, and that these are the times I really need to shut up. But, to my surprise, Mike messaged me the next day telling me that the honesty was refreshing and appreciated.
If you choose to hide behind lies and deny the truth, don’t expect me to help mask your insecurities, or falsely build you up. Like John Gotti said, “You only lie when you’re afraid.” And, usually, the liar is afraid of knowing the truth about themselves.
(1) Being honest with others today is an investment in your future.
(2) Trust earns respect. Honesty leads to wisdom.
(3) We never lose friends. We only learn who the real ones are.
(4) Tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, except when your friend really does look fat in those jeans.
(5) It’s a good day when I can quote the Mafia.