Love, Lust or Bust?

It definitely wasn’t love at first sight. When we first met, I was honestly sickened and turned-off. I was unsure of why I was willing to make this work. But I committed.

My love affair with crossfit began eight months ago with. And, for the past few weeks, my love has lessened, and this has me wondering if it was just lust after all. Has the novelty worn off?

I started crossfit because I desperately needed strength and conditioning training to rehabilitate some (diagnosed as) chronic injuries/traumas. And, I definitely got it. I’ve proudly come a long way from struggling to lift the 15lb bar to lifting triple-digits.

Admittedly, I’ve been at a plateau for weights because I’m afraid of injuring myself. I’ve been sharing my issues with my crossfit penpal. (Yep. That’s right.) We rarely see each other in class, but we communicate almost daily, sharing our high’s and lows and keeping each other motivated. Usually, we can encourage each other out of a slump, but I’m in deep this time.

My fear came true two weeks ago. I was in a confident head space and pushed myself to lift heavy for the seated back squats. I was at 150lbs and I had one more rep to complete the set. My core collapsed forward, and so did I … and the bar. I leaned forward into my knees hoping the bar would just roll off. It did, until it stopped momentarily on my neck.

For days after, I iced and heated, and took medication. Physically, I’m feeling awesome again, but am mentally scarred.

Now, I don’t want to lift more. I don’t trust my body. I don’t trust myself. I don’t want to increase my weights because I don’t believe I can manage them safely.

This new frame of mind has me uninterested in working out. Though I continue to go to class, the lust and love is missing. I don’t push myself at all. I even cheated on crossfit by secretly indulging in swimming (after 15+ years of avoiding it). I didn’t like it, and spent most of my time in the sauna and hot tub.

Is there something better? How do I bring the spark back? Agh.

UPDATE: I wrote this post before I went to last night’s class. It was just me and eight good looking men (make that nine – Coach hiding behind the camera). They make it tough to not enjoy class.thinkrainbows_crossfit

Rainbow Thoughts:

(1) I’m still going to classes. There’s hope to revitalize this love.

(2) No one likes a quitter.

(3) You’re welcome, ladies. 😉

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About thinkrainbows

positive thinking for simple living.

2 responses to “Love, Lust or Bust?”

  1. Ruthie Onyinyechi says :

    Great post. Not great what you’re feeling, but what you’re feeling is very normal. Sometimes we get lost and forget about the love we have for something because fear overpowers the love. But, you had the love at one point. You have felt it. It is real and it developed for a reason. So it’s still there. Somewhere. Under the fear. Sometimes we’re able to bring ourselves back. But sometimes it takes someone else to give you that little boost. That’s where training partners come in.

    Training partners are there to support you, encourage you and make you lift heavier than you think you can and run faster than you thought possible. I love that you have a penpal. Use him/her for support too. But if you can, find someone who you can train with on a regular basis…at least for a short duration. I know from experience how amazing it is to have that person (as you know how awesome Miss Karolina P truly is).

    Keep up the good work friend. I am so proud of you!

    • thinkrainbows says :

      Hi Ruthie,

      Sorry for the delayed response. You are right. Fear has overpowered my desire to kick ass. It’s a constant struggle, and definitely patterned behaviour on my part. Crossfit has been more of a internal head game more than anything. I’ve lost to the old me before where I’ve quit in these kinds of ruts, but I know better now. Now that I have experienced major gains/progress, I KNOW I can do it, I just have to convince myself to BELIEVE it.

      I love the idea of a training partner, and though it’s hard to rally up a person who has the same workout schedule/routine as me, I do have the support from the folks/coaches at West10. But, if need be, I may need to convince KP to come to West10 😉

      I really appreciate the support, Ruthie!

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