Table For 1.
I don’t date often and that’s by choice (at least I like to think so), and because I’m just an idiot. I have a very bad judge of character when it comes to guys, and tend to misinterpret signs/intentions. It’s a terrible mess, really. I’ve had my fair share of bad dates.
Take this and add the do’s/don’ts and the should/shouldn’ts of dating, and it’s a disaster.
Recently, I had a first date. He decided we’d meet in Gastown to explore his new neighbourhood (I’m here often, though). I travelled 35minutes while he literally crossed the street to the Coffee Bar.
Shortly after sitting down, he says, “So, this is the plan. I need to go back to my place and plug in my phone, find a fan, and eat. I haven’t eaten.” I guess it’s not about me.
After we went to his apartment, we walk into a “market.” It was a block long of “vendors” who were re-selling items they (likely) found while dumpster diving or in someone’s backyard. I asked if he was looking for something specific, hoping to learn why we were perusing this stuff. He was just browsing.
The romance continued as we walked through the DTES, one of Canada’s poorest neighbourhoods, in the scorching heat. Don’t mind us; we’re just walking through without a positive, helpful purpose.
Then, we walked through Crab Park, and went for a bite to eat. I suggested Chill Winston because it has a super nice patio. Chill Winston was hosting a BBQ fundraiser on one side of the patio that Joe wanted to support. To enter, it was $20 for a burger and beer. I didn’t want a burger or a beer. But, hey, this isn’t about me.
He enters first, and pulls out a $20 bill. I pull out my visa (I never carry cash). I am told it is cash only. I note that I have to find a bank machine. Joe, then, offers to pay for my lunch. After lunch, we hugged and parted. We haven’t spoken since.
Conversation was so dry throughout the date. Joe just talked about himself. This wouldn’t have been a problem if he was interesting.
I shared this experience with a few male friends who all seemed to share the same thoughts. Walden seemed unimpressed and surprised that Joe didn’t come pick me up for the date, and didn’t initially pay for the date. Mark, also commented on Joe’s faux pas, and suggested that I shouldn’t be so passive on dates.
I don’t expect a guy to open my car door, or drive out to the suburbs to come pick me up just to drive back to the city for a date. In my world, I guess practically supersedes awesomeness. It would be great if the date was planned for somewhere closer to me, or at least half way between our homes.
Though it is validating to hear that friends felt that I wasn’t being picky about what may seem petty –ie date location, Joe’s to-do list, the food/bill, etc, I still need to be accountable for my experiences.
I must learn how to be assertive when dating, and not be too worried about being perceived as bitchy/whiney/golddigger-ish.
(1) I got a free lunch (haha).
(2) I really, really like my single life. It’s so simple and fun.