Put Me Back in the Game, Coach.
In all things tough, we are constantly told to walk it off, and to persevere. No quitting. Quitting is for losers. Walk it off, you’re told. Screw that. Sometimes, you have to admit defeat in a battle to win the war.
Over the past few years, I have sustained a number of physical injuries and traumas, some that have crippled me emotionally. Showing health-related weakness is my greatest fear because it opens me up to a vulnerability I’m not comfortable sharing (because I am still working on accepting these injuries and all that comes with them).
It’s also emotionally taxing to want to try new things, but to feel limited by pain. No one wants to consciously inflict pain on themselves. The last three months of crossfit helped me push through plateaus, and change my rehabilitation from treatment to strengthening for many of my ailments. But yesterday’s WOD, got the better of me. It was an intense upper body workout, my weakness. Okay, all of me is weak, but this is the weakest.
After the strength portion of the class, I could feel my neck/shoulder injury start to act up, and this would have been my usual my cop-out point. I persevered. It was time to change my attitude and not be afraid to push my limits.
After round one of the WOD, I quit. I walked out of the box and found myself seated on the sidewalk. Eyes were teary. A breakdown was pending. I was feeling so embarrassed that I quit, and then even more so when Coach came to check-up on me. He has seen me almost pass out, but this was different.
After chilling out and gathering my thoughts. I realized that I wasn’t embarrassed by what others thought; I knew, I know, that the box is a judgement free environment. I was actually disappointed with myself. I was doing so well with my rehabilitation that I was on cloud nine for so long. I was not emotionally prepared for this set-back.
Once I figured out what was going on in my head, I got my sh!t together, walked back into the box, and got back into the WOD. As I was rowing, I knew I was done-for. The physical pain coupled with the emotional baggage was too distracting. I hastily pulled-out of the workout. Quit-ter.
Though Coach is always on my case when I’m just being lazy, I’m so grateful for him not pushing me last night. A genuinely good Coach knows when to push and when to respect boundaries. And, when the workout ended, the crossfitters were inclusive of the post-workout grumblings and kudos. It’s that that trust and support from the West10 family that gives me the courage to show face at the box and try again tomorrow (today, I rest).
Deep down I know that I need to get past these speed bumps in order to get to a stronger, healthier me. I’ve just got to change my thinking, and learn to manage the pain in the interim.
(1) You know your body best. Do what’s right for you not what you think is expected.
(2) You don’t have to stay down when you fall.
(3) Set-backs are not the end of the world.