“Before you judge me take a look at you // Can’t you find something better to do // Point the finger, slow to understand // Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand // It’s not you are it’s who you know// Others lives are the basis of your own // Burn your bridges and build them back with wealth // Judge not l’est ye be judged yourself // You know not” –Metallica.
As a true introvert, I’m still reflecting and thinking about two conversations I had last week. Both conversations left me thinking why people are so ignorant on judging me (or others) based on how they live their lives. Don’t judge me, but if you must, judge me based on how I’m living my life according to my parameters, not yours.
Convo1 was with a male friend. At dinner, we were talking about how life priorities change as we age (him 29, me 31). We both agreed that we are at a point in life where going out every weekend til 4-5am and getting super drunk is not appealing. I enjoy going meeting up with friends, but don’t get why I have to be out ‘til 2am for it to be a good night. After a few hours out-n-about, I love crawling into my bed, and waking up feeling refreshed and not groggy or hung over. He commented on how some of his buddies even stopped inviting him out knowing he’d be a party pooper because he’d call it a night well before others, and wouldn’t engage in endless drinking. He and I don’t judge the 30+year olds trying to have social lives of 19 year olds, yet we are criticized for growing up and changing our priorities.
Convo2 was with a female I’d just met. She’s 44 and married with two kids. I’m 31 and single with no dependents. One of our convos was how my uneventful my weekdays are, for the most part, because I leave home for work at 7.20am, work ‘til 430pm, hit up crossfit at 5.30pm, get home by 7.40pm, shower, eat dinner, unpack and repack my day bag, and be in bed by 9.30pm. In the first few days of meeting her, I heard, one too many times, how I should “enjoy it while I can.” She was inferring to how everything I did was for me, whereas she had to head home to the family. I may be (over) reacting to the fact that she’s assuming that I, too, will/want/can have children, and potentially have a family. What if I will be the happily single friend/sister/daughter forever? This week, I heard the comment again about how I am lucky to have all this me-time. I couldn’t bite my tongue anymore and just responded with, “Just remember you, too, were this ‘free’ when you were my age.”
It’s not fair to judge me on my life based on how you choose to live your life. But I get that the world isn’t fair. Your judgements say more about you than me. So, bring it on.
(1) Save your judgements for yourself.
(2) It takes courage to live your life the way you want to.
(3) Don’t let others dictate what’s important to you.
(4) We all sin differently.
In all things tough, we are constantly told to walk it off, and to persevere. No quitting. Quitting is for losers. Walk it off, you’re told. Screw that. Sometimes, you have to admit defeat in a battle to win the war.
Over the past few years, I have sustained a number of physical injuries and traumas, some that have crippled me emotionally. Showing health-related weakness is my greatest fear because it opens me up to a vulnerability I’m not comfortable sharing (because I am still working on accepting these injuries and all that comes with them).
It’s also emotionally taxing to want to try new things, but to feel limited by pain. No one wants to consciously inflict pain on themselves. The last three months of crossfit helped me push through plateaus, and change my rehabilitation from treatment to strengthening for many of my ailments. But yesterday’s WOD, got the better of me. It was an intense upper body workout, my weakness. Okay, all of me is weak, but this is the weakest.
After the strength portion of the class, I could feel my neck/shoulder injury start to act up, and this would have been my usual my cop-out point. I persevered. It was time to change my attitude and not be afraid to push my limits.
After round one of the WOD, I quit. I walked out of the box and found myself seated on the sidewalk. Eyes were teary. A breakdown was pending. I was feeling so embarrassed that I quit, and then even more so when Coach came to check-up on me. He has seen me almost pass out, but this was different.
After chilling out and gathering my thoughts. I realized that I wasn’t embarrassed by what others thought; I knew, I know, that the box is a judgement free environment. I was actually disappointed with myself. I was doing so well with my rehabilitation that I was on cloud nine for so long. I was not emotionally prepared for this set-back.
Once I figured out what was going on in my head, I got my sh!t together, walked back into the box, and got back into the WOD. As I was rowing, I knew I was done-for. The physical pain coupled with the emotional baggage was too distracting. I hastily pulled-out of the workout. Quit-ter.
Though Coach is always on my case when I’m just being lazy, I’m so grateful for him not pushing me last night. A genuinely good Coach knows when to push and when to respect boundaries. And, when the workout ended, the crossfitters were inclusive of the post-workout grumblings and kudos. It’s that that trust and support from the West10 family that gives me the courage to show face at the box and try again tomorrow (today, I rest).
Deep down I know that I need to get past these speed bumps in order to get to a stronger, healthier me. I’ve just got to change my thinking, and learn to manage the pain in the interim.
(1) You know your body best. Do what’s right for you not what you think is expected.
(2) You don’t have to stay down when you fall.
(3) Set-backs are not the end of the world.