I’m (Not) Sorry.
I want it. I want it now. No, not like that. You’re doing it all wrong. Add some passion. Don’t be so cold. I want you to want it as much as I want it.
Navigating an apology is like mapping a landmine. One wrong step and you’re toast.
The Lance Armstrong saga is never ending. It started with media frenzy about the ‘breaking news’, then the big Oprah interview, and now to water cooler talk about the sincerity and truths behind the apology.
I don’t believe in his apology because his character integrity has been tarnished by what he did (for so long). I have doubts about his motive to apologize (now). Mistakes/poor decisions are hard to set right if your character is tarnished.
In my opinion, Lance is a liar, a cheat, a fraud, etc, and despite the desire for an apology, no apology will ever be grand enough to appease everyone involved and/or affected. I think the apology was intended to publically acknowledge the issue, and maybe even more so to appease his guilt issues. It wasn’t a moment of him accepting responsibility.
I see no value in a coerced apology. I feel that a solicited apology is a meaningless apology. An honest apology is a gesture of taking responsibility, and more importantly, a validation of the relationship (workplace, family, personal, etc). It’s a way to recognize the value of the relationship instead of a desire to be right.
Also, for me, actions speak louder than words. For instance, I’ve recently reconnected with an ex. We dated years ago, and broke up because of poor communications (well, at least that’s why I think we broke up). It use to drive me nuts when we’d be texting back-n-forth, and then he would suddenly go MIA, and then later, reconnect with a different conversation. I’m sorry, I didn’t get the memo the previous conversation was over.
Now that we’ve loosely reconnected, I can tell he’s a matured man. Without any prompting, he’s been good to close conversations. Sounds simple (ok, fine, even ridiculous), but it’s meaningful in my world because, to me, it shows he respects what’s important to me, and our friendship.
Apologizing may be perceived as an action of weakness, but in actuality, it evidences strength and illuminates true character. It garners respect. It builds trust.
Read more on how I choked up an apology to a teenager who is 16 years my junior.
(1) Say what you mean, mean what you say.
(2) Value a relationship, not ego.
(3) Don’t have texting conversations in a relationship.