Saturday night. The house party started at 7pm. I arrived at 7.45pm. Fashionably late, of course. I slipped out of my glittery black loafers, and into my holiday slippers. No, I’m not a 60-year-old woman, but do send help; I just posed my shoes for a photo-opp.
Good food, great people, and awesome random conversations.
One conversation stands out because it was one where I realized I’m a preacher, a broken record. I find that I’m constantly telling people to directly voice their concerns (with other friends) about behaviour limits.
The group conversation was about a mutual friend who’s constantly bitching about the same thing/people. Same old conversation every time you connect.
I think the listener should assertively ask the speaker to cut it out, and say why (of course, there’d be a better choice of words).
Jim, on the other hand, felt the friend should just listen and respond with simple-tries such as “mmhmm.”
This type of response is not healthy, and assists to continue the damaging behaviour. Friends have a duty to ensure the well-being of their friends, and sometimes it takes tough love to get the job done. And, why should the listener continually be ‘brought down’ because of the unsolicited negativity? Sure, to listen to a friend vent once or twice is completely appropriate, but eventually the listener needs to draw the line –for his/her own sanity, but also to snap the friend out of whatever distress s/he is experiencing.
It’s okay to share personal boundaries, and to also give constructive feedback. People can’t change what they may not know about themselves.
Believe it or not, people don’t learn telepathically.
And, maybe I have a little work to do with tolerance, compassion and patience.
Rainbow thought: Prioritize yourself by recognizing and sharing your boundaries. You deserve to be first in your books.