Break-Up to Make-Up…Not quite.
I had a visit with my esthetician this weekend. She couldn’t help herself but to tell me that Jaya, former friend of mine, was back to seeing her. Jaya and I were childhood friends, and had a break-up after her wedding three years ago. My esthetician knows the general jists of the breakup, and now you do too:
The break-up: After her wedding, which I was a bridesmaid for, I expressed my feelings ([a] yes, I do have feelings, [b] yes, I will express them when I feel I need to). I shared with her how I felt after some of her decisions/choices during the wedding festivities/preparation. Jaya made a decision to not communicate with me thereafter. Since then, I’ve seen Jaya once, but there was no communication. On the other hand, people I know through her are still friendly and approachable when we run into each other.
Before my esthetician could divulge details, I cut her off just after she told me that she had asked Jaya how I was doing (as you can tell, my esthetician likes to gossip). Apparently, Jaya evaded the question said something along the lines of how life gets so busy once you’re married (insinuating a lack of communication between us).
I’m not going to lie; Jaya’s comment to the esthetician irked me. Pure bullsh!t. Sure, life gets busy and is different, but from my experiences with my other married friends, newlyweds always make time for friends, if they want to see the friends. For instance, Nancy is a good friend I met through Jaya, and Nancy met me for dinner the week after she returned from her honeymoon. Oh, btw, Nancy and Jaya haven’t talked since the wedding either (and the only reason I added this ‘btw’ is because it makes me feel vindicated, I know this).
I believe that we stopped talking, and and so easily ended a childhood friendship, is because we didn’t have a solid friendship to begin with, and so when I engaged in a non-surface level conversation (i think this was the only convo of the sort we ever had), she didn’t know how to handle it. She didn’t see the good intentions (i.e. work through, not around, the issues) behind why I wanted to share how I felt; she saw it as an attack. She’s definitely allowed to perceive my approach however she wanted to. That’s not what frustrates me. I question my ability to judge character (wait ‘til I start sharing stories from my dating life), and my ability to define friend.
Jaya’s decision to tell cover-ups of the break-up (I’ve heard various versions through mutual contacts) tells me that she needs to tell lies as a mean to play victim and take zero responsibility for the issues at hand.
I trusted in myself to do the right thing by telling her how I felt back then, and years later, I am still content with my decision. Sure, I’m sure I could have been more delicate with my choice of words, or timing of our conversation, but I have absolutely no regrets of expressing my feelings, or how I perceived things to be.
(1) Focus on doing the right thing, not things right.
(2) I may not be the best judge of character in others, but at least I stay true to my own character.